Sunday league wonderkids and five a-side stars, I welcome you to the witty world of football well below the heights of the Premier league and even delving beyond the sight of the Conference South.
Put your tongue firmly in your cheek and swallow any morals as I explore the average man’s sense of humour and the everyday attempts to make football as fun as it can be with the concoction of ridiculous team names.
Through some pretty amazing personal experiences and scouring the web here is my top 10 five a-side football team names, from the incredibly clever to sympathetically pitiful.
10. Multiple Scorgasms – I’m sure whoever thought of this one up thought that it was a stroke of genius. Does it matter if they are a sexually frustrated middle aged man, of course not, they’re having a right giggle down at the Sunday league park.
9. Back that Pass Up – I can already hear the shouts from one laddish man to the other as they think this is the funniest catchphrase known to earth. Every pass, one-two or long ball: ‘Dave, Dave, back that pass up.’ Yes, yes, Snigger snigger gentleman.
8. Brian Munich – I generally love this one, so simple yet effective. The idea that this genuinely could be someone’s name who’s oblivious to football makes it perfect. An English take on a German stronghold.
7. Bumfica – Yep I’ve done it. And how funny can the simple deduction of a few letters and a change of vowels be? Hilarious. Simply unwittingly chucked together for a few laughs and probably even sighs and groans. Developed by the team that refuses to grow up.
6. Balls Deep – You know what I’m saying?
5. Murder on Zidane’s floor – Taken from the absolute classic of Sophie Ellis-Bextor’s ‘murder on the dance floor’, this is a wonderfully bright creation. Pronounced by a commentator in a snide husky French accent and this is brilliant.
4. One team, one cup – Taken from what can only be described as an eye gauging yet trending adult movie once upon a time. This team clearly has just one focus on their mind.
3. Fiorentina Turner – You can’t take anything away from the creativity, imagination and sprinkle of magic that has managed to inherit Tina Turner into their team name. After years of scrutinising, the Turner fan club finally found their footballing answer.
2. Inter Ya Nan – Just read this one over and over again. You don’t understand how bad I don’t want to play Inter Ya Nan.
1. Real Sociable Dad – The winner. Spanish side Real Sociedad have been taken down a notch and have formed a humble side of father’s who just enjoy a good kick around and a few beers down the local. This is what five a-side football is all about; I salute you Real Sociable Dad.
Other mentions
Quimbledon
Sons of Pitches
Gareth Gates Gives Head
Haven’t and never will Looseville
AC Alittlesilhoutteofaman
The Abusement Park
A3 Milan
Getting away from the wife
Real Ale Madrid
Notting Your Mums Forest
Rainbow Butt Monkeys
Deep Threat
Dynamo Chicken Kiev
St Mirnoff
Sporting Bad Haircuts
On My Barnet
By Liam Curtis
@lcurtis92
This picture was provided by TomBrogan.
If you have any recommendations feel free to comment below.
7 Comments